Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Application for permission to date my neighbour's daughter...
(extracted from net)
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
_______________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ________________________________
If less than your age, explain ________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Do you own a van? _______________
A truck with oversized tires? _______________
A waterbed?_______________
A pickup with a mattress in the back?_______________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a navel ring? _______________
A tattoo?_______________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?______________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Church you attend ____________________________________________________
How often you attend _________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are
confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
_____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
_____________________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_____________________________________________________________________
What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_____________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not
try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you
injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two
gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch
your back).
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
Things to do at home when....
This guy must have had to much free time on his hands, but feel free to come up with more fresh ideas on how to make the day more fun :)
Squirrel
To much energy, Mr. rog comes in handy
Tired? do the seal
Here comes the kangaroo.
Shock your grandmother with the ostrich.
Mr. Elephant perhaps?
Do the elk style then...
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Anger Management??
...when you're really angry try this out.......this just might work.....
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
Anger Management
A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
8-year old " Little Becky" and her Prank Calls...
..........i was just going through some websites when i bumped into one that had this sweet little girl's prank calls...........i listened to all of her prank calls uploaded in the website........and i loved it............in fact, I still can't stop laughing. Her prank calls are even better than Bart Simpson's prank calls...............no matter what you do on the net........you've got to open this site and listen to her.......ok here goes...http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/10/15/little-irish-girl-prank-calls/
and this http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/11/03/more-becky-the-prank-caller/
Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Would Ann Coulter Insult Her Own Community - Is She or Isn't She A MAN?
.....got it in some website......you might wanna have a look at it.....
Ann Coulter certianly has some characteristics that make me question her born gender: Tall, strong jawline, and that ever questionable adams apple. I was just thinking amidst all this controversy about her "faggot" remark, wouldn't it be the the irony of all ironies if Ann Coulter turned out to be the T in LGBT. Perhaps her lashing out against the gay community makes her feel more like a "real" woman. Ann's hurtful derogatory remarks toward the gay community show the true quality of her as a person, and if Ann ever really is outed as a Transsexual, I doubt very much she would be welcomed with open arms into their community. Here are some suspect pictures for your consideration:
Best Toilet Ever
Here is a picture of a Public Toilet in Houston, TX.
There is more to this toilet than meets the eye.
Here is a picture of that same toilet from the inside.
Now, would you use this Toilet? haha...
Sunday, March 4, 2007
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